Just a little something for the first day of Spring…

 

If I had a chance for another try,
I wouldn’t change a thing
It’s made me all of who I am inside
And if I could thank god
That I am here, and that I am alive
And everyday I wake
I tell myself a little harmless lie
The whole wide world is mine

It’s all success if it’s what you need
Do what you like and do it honestly

September and March

Trying to get back to the creative aspect of my writing. It’s still not quite right, but here goes…

 

 

the last day of September-

I had all but given up

 

It’s like the last few days of summer;

The heat hangs on,

but the smell is all wrong.

The scent of something new

Pushes its way through.

 

Those days when you still drive with the windows down –

Even when the nights get cold,

It never gets old

Wind in your hair, infinite and alive.

And you have to stay awake,

Ignoring the regrets and mistakes

Eventually, you give in and you let go

You embrace the fall;

and can’t wait to see the colors of it all

 

After a long painful winter,

Here you are –

bringing new life to what I thought was lost in the snow

 

It’s like the first few days of spring;

The new air makes you forget.

The harsh winter aches,

Every single fallen snowflake.

 

It feels so good, it must be true!

But spring can be cruel

with all her tricks

as spring and winter mix

Winter still has a story he hasn’t told

So there you are, alone in the cold

 

Alone again.

I think it’s only been 3 weeks but it feels like forever.

I stopped counting the days and I guess I’ve given up.

 

But eventually,

the flowers bloom

and you learn to trust the sun –

second to none.

Experimenting with Hedonism

I think this might be my spring resolution.

Hedonism is defined as the pursuit of pleasure; a hedonist is one who seeks pleasure above all else, who strives to maximize their net pleasure.

“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Too much of my life I spent concerned with what other people want, or need, or think. I even lied, as a way to give them what they want, and to save myself in the process. I could have the best of both worlds, if I did what I wanted but then lied about it to whoever was concerned.

Most children of divorce pit the divorced parents against each other, to get what they want. Instead, I lied to both of them differently. I held back the awful shit they said about each other instead of exaggerating it. But lately I just don’t get involved, and don’t let them talk about each other in front of me.

I let a relationship change me, because I loved them so much. He took the fight right out of me – but I also gave him that power. Since then, I’ve realized it’s possible for me to hold all the power in a relationship, and now I can’t go back.

“…to sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested .”
― Hunter S. Thompson, Generation of Swine: Tales of Shame and Degradation in the ’80’s

So the first day of spring, I’ll start being a hedonist. Not a narcissistic Millennial or an over the top histrionic, but just a pleasure-seeking and maybe slightly selfish hedonist. What’s the harm, right?