I did it. I finally did it! After saying I wanted it, needed it, and absolutely had to have it for almost a year – I finally did it!
I got a dog.
The backstory isn’t important, I feel like most could understand my reasons without explanation. I grew up with dogs, I love dogs, this is my first time truly living alone and having a dog would solve all my problems, etc…
It also isn’t important that you know how much my parents and grandparents were against the idea, or how disappointed my mom is that she gets a grand-dog before a grandbaby. It isn’t important that you understand how much I hate cleaning but also hate having hair everywhere, or how truly tiny my apartment is.
What is important to understand is how terrified I am. How much I’m second guessing myself any time there’s a small setback in the adoption process. (Because yes, there is quite a process – references, home visits, etc. More on that later). When I thought I was going to be able to bring him home, I was pacing the floor waiting for the adoption volunteer to show up. When she shows up with no dog, I almost cried. I don’t cry and I’m not used to all of these emotions! When the volunteer left I tried to see my apartment through her eyes. I’ve been cleaning and rearranging for days; I’m basically nesting! But when I looked at my apartment for what it was – not for the improvements I’ve made – I had to wonder if it was still too small, if it was really the best place for any pet, let alone this energetic canine I’ve already started to get attached to.
It’s also important to understand that I’m doing this in spite of (and because of) how much it terrifies me. I haven’t done anything truly scary in over a year and I’m starting to feel the effects. I’m at my best when I’m being challenged, when I have a million things to do and I have to figure out how to do it all, when I’m forced to tackle something I’ve never done before. With empty space and time to kill, I get complacent and lazy and bored and stupid. But with something to take care of I can be busy and loving and active and awesome.
So, I finally did it. I got a dog.