Experimenting with Hedonism

I think this might be my spring resolution.

Hedonism is defined as the pursuit of pleasure; a hedonist is one who seeks pleasure above all else, who strives to maximize their net pleasure.

“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Too much of my life I spent concerned with what other people want, or need, or think. I even lied, as a way to give them what they want, and to save myself in the process. I could have the best of both worlds, if I did what I wanted but then lied about it to whoever was concerned.

Most children of divorce pit the divorced parents against each other, to get what they want. Instead, I lied to both of them differently. I held back the awful shit they said about each other instead of exaggerating it. But lately I just don’t get involved, and don’t let them talk about each other in front of me.

I let a relationship change me, because I loved them so much. He took the fight right out of me – but I also gave him that power. Since then, I’ve realized it’s possible for me to hold all the power in a relationship, and now I can’t go back.

“…to sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested .”
― Hunter S. Thompson, Generation of Swine: Tales of Shame and Degradation in the ’80’s

So the first day of spring, I’ll start being a hedonist. Not a narcissistic Millennial or an over the top histrionic, but just a pleasure-seeking and maybe slightly selfish hedonist. What’s the harm, right?

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